


Modern Love

by shalako



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Bi Ruby, Cute fluffy romance, Gay Archie, I had no idea that King George had a canon first name, M/M, So if he's called George instead of Albert at any point, Until I added him as a character, and oblique mentions of questionable behavior, bi Gold, but really its just a very strong friendship, implied Gold/Dove, its because I changed it real fast, oh thats right by the way, past Gold/Milah, past Gold/Spencer, probably one of the most lighthearted things ive ever written, that said, there are still mentions of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 00:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12828945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shalako/pseuds/shalako
Summary: Archie and Gold would be perfect together, if Gold was into guys.





	Modern Love

**Author's Note:**

> Clearing out my Google Docs. This is the cutest story I've found so far. I really like Ruby in it.

Archie was doing his best not to think about it, but it had become pretty clear to him lately that he had a crush on Mr. Gold. His first epiphany had come two months ago, when he passed Mr. Gold in the street and something about the way the light shone on Gold’s hair made Archie’s heart flutter. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, but it was the first time Archie realized what it meant.

Ever since then, he’d been in a horrible state of uncertainty. Archie didn’t make a habit of falling in love with people who didn’t like him back; in fact, it had never happened before in his life. Every single crush he’d had had turned into a relationship (although, granted, many of them had been bad). Archie was positive that Gold didn’t like him back -- he wasn’t even sure Gold was gay.

He’d spent the last few weeks trying to compile the evidence, scarce as it was. He’d never known Gold to have a girlfriend, but he’d heard rumors that he had an ex-wife, which was somewhat discouraging. Any clues Archie could find were maddening in their ambiguity -- Gold’s nails were well maintained, unusual for a straight man. He wore tailored clothes and (Archie suspected) green eye shadow. But any of these could simply be the habits of a man who could afford to pamper himself (except, Archie supposed, for the possible eye shadow).

On rent day, Archie had surprised both Gold and himself by shaking Gold’s hand. They didn’t normally do that -- in fact, they hadn’t shaken hands once since the first time they met. Gold had jumped when Archie grabbed his hand, and stared at Archie with wide eyes until Archie dropped it. Archie couldn’t help but notice how soft and warm Gold’s hands were; what kind of lotion did he use? Because with hands like that, he  _ definitely  _ used lotion.

Since then, something had changed between them, and Archie wasn’t sure it was a good thing. When they passed each other on the street, Gold looked at Archie strangely, like he wasn’t quite sure how to act. Archie didn’t know what to make of it; he talked to Ruby on the down low, trying to figure out if she or Dorothy had ever seen Gold at a gay bar. Ruby had scoffed.

“No offense, but nobody over the age of thirty goes to the club,” she said. “But he’s definitely gay, though. Like, 100%.”

“You’re sure?” Archie said, lowering his voice and leaning closer. “How do you know?”

“Oh, come on,” said Ruby. She leaned forward, too, giving the pair of them a decidedly conspiratorial air. “He wears green eyeshadow, Archie.”

Archie grinned. “I thought so,” he said. “I mean, I can’t be sure--”

“ _ I _ can,” said Ruby. “Trust me, Archie. His eyelids aren’t naturally green.”

Archie tucked his chin into his chest, trying to stifle a laugh. “Okay,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean anything, really. Lots of straight guys wear makeup.”

Ruby gave him a look. “On the Internet, maybe,” she said. “Hot guys in their early twenties who wanna get lots of notes on their selfies. Gold’s fifty years old and lives in  _ Storybrooke, Maine _ .”

“He has an ex-wife,” said Archie tentatively. Half of him hoped Ruby would deny it.

“Okay, that’s true,” she said, and Archie deflated a little. “But that really doesn’t mean anything. Lots of gay dudes get married when they’re young. And Gold, he would have grown up in, what -- the seventies? Eighties? During the AIDS crisis?”

“I grew up in the AIDS crisis,” said Archie. “I never got married to a woman.”

“So maybe he’s bi,” said Ruby. Archie said nothing, and she gave him a sharp look. “Is that an issue?”

“No,” said Archie. “It just hadn’t occurred to me.”

He mulled it over. It was certainly comforting -- it was easier to tell himself Gold was bi than to admit he might be straight. For a while, he tried to imagine what Gold was like when he was younger, and that brought thoughts back around to the mysterious ex-wife.

“What do you know about her?” Archie asked. “The wife?”

Ruby made a face. “She visited once, a few years ago,” she said. “She came into the diner one day and just sat here from six in the morning ‘till --” She paused to think. “Probably ‘till six at night. She was real nasty.”

“What was she waiting for?” Archie asked. “I mean, why would she sit around here all day? And what did she look like?”

“Tall,” said Ruby. “Thin. Beautiful. But like I said, real nasty. Gold’s a dick, but he’s got really warm eyes, you know? I mean, seriously did you know that? Is it just me?”

Archie grinned. “No, I think so too.”

“His wife, though --” Ruby stood up straighter and assumed a cold, disdainful expression, presumably impersonating the former Mrs. Gold. For a moment, her eyes became utterly flat. Then she broke character and resumed speaking. “She was waiting for him. As soon as he walked in, she stood up and started making a scene. ‘ _ You moved and you didn’t tell me? Where have you been? You weren’t in your shop _ .’ Stuff like that. Gold seemed pretty shocked. Right at the beginning he asked what she was doing here and she never really answered. After that he didn’t say much. Just listened to her for a bit -- and then he came to the counter and ordered a coffee, and the whole time she was still yelling at him.”

“Jesus,” Archie muttered. Ruby nodded.

“She was a nutcase,” she said. “But anyway. More proof that Gold is bi--”

Archie perked up.

“--he’s had a few boyfriends,” Ruby said with a suggestive smile. “He’s subtle, but he’s not  _ that  _ subtle, you know what I mean? You know that big guy he hangs around with sometimes, the big bald giant?”

She held a hand far above her head, indicating height.

“The bodyguard,” Archie said. Ruby raised her eyebrows.

“Is he really?”

“I don’t know,” Archie confessed. “That’s how I think of him. He certainly  _ looks  _ like a bodyguard.”

“Right,” says Ruby. “Well, I was out on the pier one night, going for a walk, and I see Gold and that big guy walking together. Pretty close -- like, shoulder to shoulder. Sort of bumping into each other a little, like --” She hurried around the counter to stand close to Archie, her arm brushing his. “Like this.”

Archie nodded.

“I told Dorothy about it,” Ruby said, her smile crawling back, “and guess what? Earlier that same night, Dorothy saw the bodyguard buying condoms at the general store.”

Archie wasn’t sure he liked this train of thought. On the one hand, it was nice to have evidence that Gold was into men. On the other hand, he’d just seen Gold walking around with the bodyguard earlier that week. 

“Anything else?” Archie asked. Ruby shrugged one shoulder, cocking her head.

“There’s one thing,” she said. “I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but -- you know Albert Spencer? The DA?”

Archie nodded.

“He meets Gold here sometimes,” Ruby said. “It’s always tense. They’ll meet for lunch to discuss something -- dunno what -- and you can just  _ feel  _ the discomfort rolling off Gold.”

“Well,” said Archie, hesitating, “I mean, Gold  _ is  _ a defense lawyer--”

Ruby dismissed this with a wave of her hand. “I’m talking  _ tense _ , Archie. Look, it was like this.” She put a hand on Archie’s shoulder, pushing him down onto the stool, and then resumed her position on the other side of the counter. Ruby reached over and placed Archie’s hands around his coffee cup. “Gold would be sitting like you, okay?” she said. “Sort of hunched over -- usually he just stared at his cup. His hands were either right there or in his lap. But Mr.  _ Spencer… _ ”

She puffed herself up to look bigger, spine straight, and put one hand uncomfortably close to Archie. Her fingers brushed his.

“He’d do stuff like this,” she said, fixing Archie with an exaggerated flirtatious look. “And Gold’s jaw would get tight and he’d look away. Then Spencer would lean back and act like he wasn’t doing anything, but he’d start trying to play footsie.”

Archie’s skin prickled with empathetic discomfort.

“Those meetings never last very long, for obvious reasons,” Ruby said. “But I definitely get angry-ex vibes from them.”

Archie sighed. “So we’ve got a seven-foot-tall bald bodyguard,” he said, “a six-foot-tall bald DA … and a thin, beautiful ex-wife.”

“Who isn’t bald,” Ruby added helpfully. Archie rubbed the back of his neck and then, without thinking, raised his hand to his forehead, exploring his thinning hairline. “Oh my God,” Ruby said, visibly embarrassed. “Stop.”

“Sorry,” Archie said, cheeks burning.

“Just ask him out,” Ruby urged. “You’re exactly his type!”

Archie shot her a look. “Really?” he said. “Because from what you described, he seems to favor aggressive types.”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Whatever. It’s slim pickings, okay? We’ve got a population of ten thousand and he’s not getting any younger. You’re, what -- forty-something?”

“Fifty-two,” Archie said. 

“Fifty-two,” Ruby repeated. “Archie, you and Gold are literally the only two gay guys your age here. _ Go for it _ .”

* * *

Archie’s conversation with Ruby was still playing through his head when he stopped by the store that night for dog food. Archie wandered through the aisles aimlessly, taking his time as he thought things over. He grabbed a bag of chips off the shelf, picturing Gold with Spencer like Ruby had described, and then turned and ran straight into somebody.

There was a loud clatter as a shopping basket hit the floor. Archie’s momentum sent Gold stumbling backward; his cane slipped and Gold fell hard on his back. For a moment, Archie just stood there, his eyes wide and his hands covering his mouth.

Gold sat up with a groan.

“Oh,” Archie breathed. “Oh, God. Mr. Gold, I--”

He knelt down, distractedly gathering up the items Gold had dropped. Gold grabbed his cane and stood slowly. He hovered over Archie, looking like he felt as awkward as Archie did.

Archie filled Gold’s shopping basket back up with lavender bath foam, a shea sugar scrub, exfoliating face lotion, and a nail buff. Archie’s hands slowed as he realized what he was looking at. Then his brain ground to a halt and he sat there for a full thirty seconds, just staring at the items.

Gold stared at Archie in concern. Slowly, he bent down and grabbed the shopping basket off the floor.

“Dr. Hopper?” Gold said. Archie’s head snapped up.

“Er, right,” he said. He clambered to his feet. “Uh, sorry about that. I -- about knocking you down. And zoning out.”

“It’s fine,” said Gold uncertainly. They stared at each other for a moment. Archie looked down at the shopping basket.

“I use the same bath foam,” he blurted. Gold’s eyebrows shot up and Archie cursed himself for lying about something so dumb, but he saw an opportunity to use this to his advantage. “My ex-boyfriend left a bottle at my house once and I’ve been using it ever since,” he said.

Gold said nothing. There was no reaction to Archie’s confession. He just stood there, staring at the ground. Archie felt his ears turning red.

“Uh, anyway,” he said. “I, uh -- I gotta get some … some dog food for Pongo.”

Gold nodded swiftly and stepped aside. By the time Archie made it to the pet aisle, his face was painfully hot. Did Gold even know who Pongo was? Did he even know Archie had a dog? He lurked there for a full ten minutes, until he was positive Gold had left the store. 

* * *

Gold’s blush didn’t become noticeable until he was out in the parking lot, alone in the night air. Then his cheeks were suddenly burning. He felt like chucking his bag into the bushes and running away, and he wasn’t sure why.

Archie was gay. There was something about knowing that -- having confirmation -- that made Gold’s heart flutter. At the same time, he felt strangely humiliated. There was a voice in his head -- Dove’s voice, soft and gentle -- saying that that was the social anxiety.

There were certain things Gold couldn’t do without having panic attacks. For years, shopping had been one of them. With Dove’s help, he’d worked his way up to buying simple things. He still couldn’t buy anything  _ necessary  _ \-- food, toiletries -- but he was getting better about buying luxuries, oddly enough. Today was his first day buying personal items. He and Dove had worked the list out beforehand, making sure it was challenging -- uncomfortably challenging -- but not impossible.

Dove knew Gold well. The four items they chose were all stereotypically feminine, but were also all part of Gold’s daily routine. Gold knew the root of his anxiety; he could trace every part of it back to specific memories. He remembered secretly keeping an empty bottle of his mother’s perfume when he was four, and he and his father became homeless, and he remembered his father’s reaction -- his  _ violent  _ reaction -- when he discovered it. He remembered the looks he got from the cashier when he was fifteen and bought nail polish and bath melts from the store, and he remembered the older boys who chased him down on the way home and beat him into the dirt.

And Gold knows -- because Dove told him so -- that times have changed, but it wasn’t so long ago that he faced the same type of ridicule from another gay man. He could still see the sneer on Albert’s face as he watched Gold get ready in the morning.

And …

And he was still standing in the parking lot as snow began to fall, staring at nothing. The automatic doors slid open behind him and Archie stepped out, stopping short when he saw Gold. Gold turned his head slightly and made eye contact.

_ My ex-boyfriend left a bottle at my house once _ .

“My ex-boyfriend threw a bottle at my head once,” Gold blurted. He watched Archie’s eyes widen; the other man’s mouth opened and then closed. Gold pushed the rest of the words out before he could start feeling embarrassed. “I didn’t know you were gay.”

Archie looked at him in surprise and then gave a crooked smile. “I didn’t know you were.”

Gold nodded silently, looking down at his shoes. Eventually, he peeked back up at Archie and found the other man staring into the distance.

“Your ex-boyfriend,” Archie mused. “Albert Spencer?”

Gold blinked. “How--?”

“Gossip,” Archie said, flushing. “One of my friends figured it out.”

Gold said nothing, trying to figure out who could have possibly seen him and Albert together. They’d been so careful.

“My friend,” said Archie, watching Gold carefully. “She’s family. She won’t out you.”

“Oh,” said Gold softly. He sighed deeply, suddenly feeling exhausted.

“Do you …” Archie hesitated. “This may seem sort of out of the blue, but … would you maybe like to go out sometime?”

It  _ was  _ out of the blue. It most definitely was. And Gold didn’t want to give the impression that he would just date  _ any  _ gay man, anyone at all, but at the same time he wasn’t able to sleep properly when he was alone, and although his and Dove’s relationship frequently crossed the border of friendship, it hadn’t really progressed to  _ that  _ point yet. And there were really no cons he could think of to saying yes.

“Of course,” said Gold hoarsely. Archie’s face lit up in the biggest smile Gold had ever seen. 

“Tomorrow?” he said. “Coffee? I could meet you at nine. I know you’re usually working then--”

“It’s fine,” said Gold. Archie’s smile was smaller now, but still soft. “Coffee. Nine.”

“Well, I’ll see you then.”

Archie edged past him, putting a hand on Gold’s forearm as he left. Gold stared after him until he’d turned the corner, his cheeks still feeling uncomfortably hot.

Tomorrow. Coffee.

Right.


End file.
